The Attorney Will Probably Die By The End
by Inerio
Summary: In a twist of fate Rorschach is grouped together with a lesbian mortician, a schizophrenic attorney, and an over weight gamer. Will the team be able to expose the corrupt government before it unleashes something terrible on society?
1. In Which Hell Is Confused With NJ

I wanted to make a fan fiction that doesn't portray Rorschach as a druggie, homosexual, or paired up with some dumbass female OC. Thus, I give to you this story. If you're fed up with sue fics or crap slash like I am than I hope you can find solace in this story. It was a bitch to edit. I also think it goes without saying that I don't own Watchmen. If I did I'd probably have a penis, money, and all that jazz. Granted, I would like a penis, money, and all that jazz.

"Do it!" The last words that Walter Kovacs ever uttered.

Well, that wouldn't be true. A more accurate proclamation would be the last words Walter Kovacs uttered in his own dimension. However, he would probably be uttering many other words in an entirely different universe. A universe parallel to his own, similar yet different. One could spout off all the cliche statements about inter dimensional travel that they wanted, but that wouldn't get the story to go anywhere. The point, was that Dr. Manhattan didn't have the heart to kill Rorschach. Instead, he sent him to a different world knowing Rorschach could no longer bear to live in his own. What to Nite Owl and any other on looker who so happened upon the scene seemed to be blood in the pure snow of the arctic was actually plasmid discharge from the teleportation.

At the moment Walter Kovacs' rather unconscious body was being hurled through a worm hole into the aforementioned other dimension. His mask clutched in his unconscious hand as his tattered and old trench coat flopped and floundered about his body as he fell through time and space. If he had been awake the sight of swirling colors and the glimpse of otherworldly figures that he passed on his extraterrestrial journey may have very well made his mind delve deeper into madness. Thankfully, the sociopath showed no signs of waking up even as the tunnel began to come to an end. The image of a morgue came into view. The room had an eerie green glow to it, probably due to it's fluorescent lighting. Either way, the unconscious masked man landed hard against the spotless white tiles with a large thud.

Unbeknownst to the man, he was not alone in the room, and the other occupant jumped in shock when a worm hole opened up in the morgue's ceiling and spat out a mass of fabric and appendages. The woman, who's name was Wilhelmina Ryan, had the right mind to believe that ghosts had finally manifested in the building.

Wilhelmina Ryan, who prefers the name Will but not Willie, was working as a Mortician's assistant. At the age of twenty three and sporting a black wig one wouldn't be able to tell that she was actually a green haired lesbian when she wasn't working. Will preferred to keep her job and her private life separate. After all, no one in their right mind would hire a green haired homosexual nihilist to handle their dead.

Still, going into any greater description of the mortician in training would only prove to stray the story further from the point. The point being that the occultist was inclined to believe that Rorschach was some sort of emissary of the dead that landed in her place of work to deliver messages from beyond. She wasn't sure how to feel about that, but Will figured it'd be a damn good idea to move the body away from her cadavers in the event that he began to work some otherworldly voodoo on her precious corpses. Lucky for Will, she was the only one working the graveyard shift that night aside from the security guard and thus didn't have to worry about anyone else stumbling across her emissary of the dead as she dragged him by his legs to the staff room. The woman had gotten Rorschach into the staff room in a matter of minutes thanks to the linoleum floor. Once in the staff room she'd removed her wig, shaking out her brutally short green hair. Sitting down she stared at the man on the floor with apprehensive curiosity. With his red hair and stubble he looked more like Danny Bonaduce than an otherworldly messenger. That was, till she noticed the shifting colors of the fabric he held in his hand.

Crouching over the man in a careful fashion Will's dark eyes studied the fabric. It was...moving. That was most peculiar to the young woman, so she took the liberty of attempting to pull the fabric from the man's hands.

Needless to say this was a terrible idea on Will's part. Rorschach's hand, or rather his fist, shot out as hard as a man who'd just experienced inter dimensional travel could, and hit Will square in the jaw. The lesbian fell back into the leather sofa, grasping her chin with her hand. He hadn't broken it, but she'd bitten on the inside of her cheek during the punch and was now bleeding profusely from the wound inside her mouth. Her eyes stared wildly at the man before her, as he returned an equally confused stare back at her.

Rorschach took a minute to recount what had just happened to him. He was in the Arctic, and he'd asked to Dr. Manhattan to kill him. So......He was dead? That had to be it. But, death was an awfully odd place. He'd expected golden gates and maybe even some nice fluffy clouds. After all, he was supposed to go to Heaven. He had been a good man, right? He'd been fighting evil, right? Unless he'd been sent to Hell.

"Am I in Hell?" The red head asked the shocked cyberpunk who was now grabbing a handful of tissues that she intended to stuff into her mouth to stop the bleeding.

"No, you're in New Jersey."


	2. In Which Names Are Exchanged

Now this is the story all about how,  
My life got flipped, turned upside down,  
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there,  
I'll tell you how I don't own Watchmen, or the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

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New Jersey, now there was an answer Rorschach hadn't anticipated. For a minute he almost expected the women to say she was just joking, and he really was in the afterlife. However, after a minute or two of awkward silence the vigilante realized she was completely serious. Had doctor Dr. Manhattan made a mistake? No, there was no mistake. The blue man wouldn't have let him go that easily. It appeared a bit on an interrogation was in order.

"Where is Ozymandias?" Rorschach wasn't one to beat around the bush, and went straight to the point as he pulled his 'face' over his head. He then placed the fedora atop his head. The mortician picked her wig up from the coffe table, and slicked back her green hair before placing the wig cap neatly on top. She raised an eye brow at Rorschach, who from the other side of the room was sure they were either dyed or drawn on, and spoke.

"The Egyptian Pharaoh?" She asked, her painted lips almost curving into a smirk as she shook the hair of the wig so it landed neatly, halfway down her breasts. The faux hair could possibly have passed for real, though closer inspection could easily prove otherwise. The straight cut bangs of the wig almost reminded Rorschach of the Silk Spectre, but the woman's face was much to different to look anything like the super hero. "I'm inclined to believe he's dead." Rorschach suppressed an exasperated sigh, she was being smart with him.

"No, the super hero." Rorschach muttered gruffly. Now Will's mouth really did curl into a smile, exposing white teeth in contrast to dark lips.

"I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure that super hero's don't exist. Let alone super heroes named Ozymandias." Now it was Rorschach's turn to raise an eyebrow. That couldn't be true, could it? However, he knew making an argument out of her reply wouldn't get him anywhere. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the table. He would have to opt for a simpler question.

"What's today's date?" He asked, shifting his gaze from his dirt stained loafers to Will.

"September twenty second two thousand and ten." Will answered, looking at the calender that hung up near the wall. It was a rather boring thing, depicting scenes from last year's Olympics. Rorschach took a moment to let the information absorb into his brain. He was in the future? No, that couldn't be it. If he was in the future that bastard Ozymandias would probably be a house hold name. Hell, he was a house hold name. But, not there. That's when the reality of the situation seemed to crash land into Rorschach's conscious like a fighter jet being driven by an epileptic chimpanzee. He was in another world entirely.

Rorschach didn't reply to Will for a long increment of time. Instead he stood there, arms crossed and eyes glued to the floor. He had asked Dr. Manhattan to kill him, considering he didn't want to live in a world produced by such a filthy lie. But...Now he was in a different world entirely. Surely there was some other force at work. Clearly, this meant Rorschach was needed elsewhere.

"Hello?" Rorschach hadn't noticed it, but the woman was now considerably closer to him. She shot him a worried look through the frames of her horn rimmed glasses, her mouth pulled into a small frown. Will was concerned, both for herself and the man. Perhaps Dick was finally rubbing off on her.

No, the previous statement was not sexual innuendo.

Dick was an attorney Will had met in college. Well, saying that would be a bit of a lie. Will had know Dick for most of her life. However, being five years her senior the pair hadn't really formed a friendship till college. Dick showed promise, he was a bright and diligent young man. Even after the accident. What was the accident you ask? Well, a few years back Dick was rushed to the hospital after drinking half a bottle of bleach. The doctors had assumed it was an attempted suicide, but such accusations were snuffed by Dick waking up screaming in his bed that snakes were inhabiting his stomach. After calming him down and assuring him that snakes weren't gorging themselves with his organs they diagnosed Dick with schizophrenia.

The odd thing was, you wouldn't be able to tell by talking to Dick. He was a brilliant and mentally stimulating young man. When he wasn't having 'attacks' he was the most normal guy in the world, and then in the matter of an instant you would need to assure him that his face wasn't melting off. Still, Will was sure that schizophrenia wasn't contagious, and thus had to face the reality that a masked man had actually fallen through her ceiling. Rorschach turned to face her, showing that he was indeed paying attention to her. "So..." She began, feeling quite awkward. After all, what is one supposed to do in such a situation? "I'm supposed to leave soon." She began, knowing she would most likely regret the offer she was about to make. "So, seeing as you're new to this....world." The grouping of words sounded foreign as they came out of her mouth. "I figure you should come with me."

Rorschach mulled over the woman's offer. Under normal circumstances the masked vigalantte probably would have declined. However, in the new and possibly dangerous world Rorschach would need a safe place to lay his head while he gathered information. He would stay with the woman, but not for long. He nodded in agreement as the woman walked towards the staff room exit and into the hallway, stopping to motion for him to follow. Down the eerie white hallway the walked, and out into the bleak and dour night. Wind blew trash across the dingy streets of Newark as the faint sound of police sirens could be heard in the distance. Out of the corner of his eye Rorschach could see a couple of kids vandalizing a wall, he would deal with them later.

"By the way." Will began, unlocking the car and sliding into the driver's seat. Rorschach followed suit and stepped into the black Honda. Cheap model, shoddy paint job, he mentally took note. "I don't think we got a chance to exchange names, mine is Wilhelmina. You can call me Will, you can't call me Willie." She recited, having said the introduction so many times in the past.

"Rorschach." The man grumbled, slumping back into the gray seat. His head turned lazily to the side, facing away from Will and out the window watching as the scenery began to pan away.

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Well, here it is, the second chapter. I hope you liked it as much as I liked the reviews chapter one recieved. It's a bit draggy, I know. I plan on making things move faster come next chapter. Prepare to see some new faces.


	3. In Which Something Smells Funny

I didn't realize I had disabled anonymous reviews. I apologize for any of you who may have attempted to review but weren't able. Now you can, so please send them coming. They are the blood of my proverbial writer's body.

And as stated in the disclaimers before this one, I don't own Watchmen, a penis, have money, or own the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Granted that last one isn't mentioned anywhere in the chapter.....Except here. Will, Samson, and Dick all belong to me. If you steal them I can't exactly sue you for copy right laws but it will seriously displease me and I'll send videos of sad Cambodian children to you. Yeah, that'll make you feel bad, won't it?

Additionally, I've been told I mischaracterized Rorschach in chapter one for he's not religious. It wasn't my intent to portray him as religious for I'm sure if you've ever had a near death experience in which you honestly thought you were dead.....Well, things happen. I've experienced such first and second hand. I can't go on to defend my writing, in fear of looking pompus. However, I will assure you that I won't allow any out of character to happen again.

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Wilhelmina was a bit unsettled by Rorschach's silence. She chewed on her lower lip, and tapped a finger on the steering wheel. He seemed intent on simply staring out the window. The only noise that accompanied the pair was the wind whipping against the car and the sounds of the city outside. Will turned the radio on, and flipped through the channels. Nothing good, the only thing that seemed to be on was commercials. This bothered Will, why did radio stations all go to commercial break around the same time? Did they know it would be better for their station of they played while some other station was on commercial break? She shook her head and sighed as she eased back into her seat.

Rorschach took note of the tension in the car. He could see Will fidgeting from her reflection in the glass. He could also see as his mask contracted and contorted into various images and obscure blots. His attention went back to Will when they reached a red light. She had turned around to grab a tissue box that sat in the back seat. She then pulled out a tissue and ripped in in half, balling it up and shoving it into her mouth. She held it there till they reached another red light, a large lump in her left cheek, and then spat it out. The once white material was now red.

"So." She began, tossing the tissue into the back seat. "Why do you wear that mask?" Will figured the man thought he was a super hero. Or, perhaps in his own world he actually was. After all, normal people don't just teleport into your work place.

"It's my face." He stated monotonously. Will blinked a few times, and raised her eyebrows. For a moment she had taken that statment too literally, and believed that the fabric actually was his face. However, she quickly remembered that there was indeed a face behind the mask. She figured it was more a metaphorical statement. She didn't mention the mask again, because it seemed to be a sensitive topic. The last thing she wanted to do was irk a possibly insane masked man from another dimension.

The rest of the car ride was still painfully quiet, and Will was glad to find herself back at her home. She almost lept out of the Honda. On the other hand Rorschach stayed in the car for a minute or two and stared at the house before him. It was a rather normal house, two story. Perhaps she had tenants. The paint was a pale green, and probably quite old. Stepping out of the car leaves cracked beneath his feet.

Just as he reached the door Will had opened it. The sound of a television blaring away in the living room could be heard as the pair walked into the hallway. Will shrugged her pin-strip blazer off small shoulders, and placed it on the coat rack before kicking off her next thing to go was her wig and wig cap. She turned back to Rorschach, who was still in his outside attire. Will raised her hand in an up and down gesture, motioning to Rorschach's clothes.

"You gonna take any of that off?" She inquired, wig still in hand as she removed her glasses and placed them on a decorative dresser.

"No." Rorschach answered flatly. Will simply shrugged, fine with that. She simply figured he would want to be more comfortable. She could only hope that he wouldn't have a gun stashed in his coat and go on to murder her. Hell, something told her he did in fact have a gun stashed in his jacket. Still, so long as he didn't threaten her with it that little factoid was just fine with her.

"Ey Will." A voice could be heard from the living room. Rorschach knew that it was a male, probably in his late twenties or early thirties. Upon following the green haired stranger into the living room he was greeted by the sight of two vastly different men sitting on the couch.

One was a large and rather rotund man with his long brown hair pulled into a ponytail. His face was covered in a dark beard, probably to hide how many chins he actually did have. He was sporting a red T-shirt with a white long sleeved shirt underneath, making him look like either a tomato or a young Santa Claus varying on what came to mind first. In his pudgy hands was some sort of strange remote.

The other was a rather scrawny man, whom Rorschach could tell was tall even without seeing him standing up. He had a handsome face, with dark hair that hung near his eyes which were covered by black framed glasses. He was wearing a crisp button down shirt and reading a book in the arm chair at the corner of the room.

"Hey guys." Will grinned, giving a small wave as she lead Rorschach in front of the television, obscuring the fat man's view.

"Hey! Your in my way!" The man protested, attempting to look around Will's figure to see his video game.

"Put it on pause ass tard." Will grumbled, folding her arms under her chest. The man obeyed, mostly due to the fact that if he didn't he would probably lose the game. He then turned to Rorschach and raised on eye brow. "Who's the dude in the costume?"

"Well one, rude, and two, that's Rorschach." Will answered, Rorschach made no attempt to say or pantomime anything.

"As in the inkblot test?" The man with the glasses asked, looking up from his book. Removing his bookmark from the coffee table he placed the thin piece of plastic between the pages and closed it.

"Yes." Rorschach nodded. He wasn't a man of many words.

"Yes, well, Rorschach. The fat one with no manners." She had a teasing tone when saying this, resorting back to an almost child like times. It was obvious she'd known this man for quite a while. "That's Samson." She then motioned to the man in the chair. "And that's Dick."

"Hello." Dick waved his hand. One could tell from the backs under his eyes and the somewhat robotic motions that he made, that the man wasn't well.

"So. Dick. Samson." Will paused, and attempted to find the words that could sanely describe the events that had previously transpired. "I met Rorschach today in work....He fell through my ceiling."

"What?" Samson asked, furrowing his thick eyebrows. "Like, through the roof?"

"Not exactly." Will responded. "He uh....He came from a worm hole." She smiled, in an attempt to ease the tension that she could feel slowly building up in the room.

"I'm sorry." Samson laughed. "I must have heard you wrong."

"No. No. You heard me right." She retorted. "He came from another dimension, with super heroes and men named Ozymandias."

"Are you sure he isn't a schiz, like Dick?" Samson jabbed his thumb in Dick's direction, who was taking the news quite well. This response also received a grumpy 'hurm' noise from Rorschach. He had already decided that he disliked the fat man. And, do to situation, he would have to deal with Will.

"No, because I saw him fall through the worm hole."

"Are you sure you aren't a schiz?"

"Yes Samsom. Besides, if I was schizophrenic and he was a manifestation of my imagination than how would you be able to see him?" She put her hand's on her hips in a haughty fashion.

"Joint schizophrenia?" Samson was in what the other members of the house called "denial mode" in which he would simple deem whatever he wasn't willing to face untrue. This was something they faced almost everyday from things regarding paper cuts to his obesity. Will merely sighed and shook her head.

"Whatever Samson, I'm going to get changed." She grumbled, heading back into the hallway. She was about to go upstairs. See, the trio shared the house. Dick lived on the second floor which was immaculate hence why the group usually stayed there, Will lived upstairs, and Samson slept and played video games in the basement. He technically didn't live in the house, seeing as Dick and Will payed the bills. However, neither Dick nor Will had the heart to kick their college buddy out. As Will ascended the stairs, her footsteps grew gradually quieter till the room was silent save for the background music of Samson's video game.

"Hey." Samson finally said, making Dick look up from his book and Rorschach turn his attention to him. "Something smells funny." This in turn lead both of the house's residence to give the hobo hero incriminating looks.


	4. In Which He Eats Sugar Cubes

Once again, I don't own Watchmen. I own all original characters. Any out of character will be taken note of if spotted(don't be anal with it fanboys/girls. I wanted more Rorschach, but introducing plot and problems usually puts my favorite masked hero in the background. I promise we'll be seeing more Rorschach driven chapters more sooner than later.

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Samson and Dick had both mentally concluded that the funny smell was certainly emanating from Rorschach. However, neither was sure what to do about it. Samson was somewhat afraid of the masked stranger, and Dick didn't want to come across as rude. So, the duo simply went about what they were doing before he and Rorschach arrived. The sounds of the video game and the near silent turning of pages were the only things that filled the room. Looking at him, it looked as if Rorschach was staring intently at the television screen. However, he was paying no attention to the gore fest that transpired on the screen and instead was engaged in an inner monologue which he intended to chronicle the minute he got his hands on paper.

_September twenty second, two thousand and ten. Woke up in morgue. Met odd young woman donning black wig. Green hair underneath. In an alternate form of New Jersey. Only major difference is lack of super heroes and time. Lack of proper knowledge has brought me to her house. Two men. One fat, other seems normal enough. Seems normal, but there's something odd about him. Unsure what will happen next. Most likely go back to cleaning scum off the streets._

His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming down stairs. Will was back, now sporting a black wife beater and boxer shorts. Rorschach was beginning to wonder if she cared about her image around him and the other men in the room. It was a bit odd, most women were self conscious if around the opposite gender, but Will seemed to have gone so far as to wipe off all her makeup too. She seemed to be heading into the kitchen that lay in the next room, but stopped short and turned to Rorschach. One word escaped her mouth.

"Coffee?" She inquired, her hand on the wall she was about to pass.

"Have sugar cubes?" He answered her question with a question. Will's eyes seemed to look up and away as her mouth hung slightly agape.

"Uh..." She thought about it for a moment. "Yes, yeah, I'm pretty sure." Rorschach stood up from the chair in which he was seated and followed the woman to the kitchen. It was a rather cozy little space with yellow wallpaper and a silver refrigerator. Will rummaged through the cabinet next to the coffee machine, in search of sugar cubes. She wasn't sure why he wanted cubes in his coffee as opposed to normal sugar, but he was her guest and she thought it best to oblige him. All the way in the back of the cabinet she found what she was looking for in a little yellow box. Her mouth twitched into a frown, her kitchen was too dependant on that color. "How many do you want in your coffee?" She asked, taking two cups from the cabinet.

"Don't want coffee." Rorschach answered gruffly, standing in the space between the kitchen and the dining room. Will shurgged her shoulders and handed Rorschach the box, it wasn't as if she was using it.

"So is that it?" She asked, leaning against the fridge and watching as Rorschach picked up a white cube between his index finger and thumb.

"Have beans?" He asked, looking up from the cube. When he and Will stood face to face he noticed she couldn't have been more than two inches shorter than him.

"Yep." She answered, turning back to the cabinet. Rorschach took this time to lift the bottom of his mask so that he could pop a sugar cube into his mouth. It didn't matter whether Will saw him do so or not, since he was sure she'd gotten a good look at his face back when he was unconscious. However, the footsteps he heard behind him unsettled him and he quickly pulled his mask back down before turning around to see who was there. There just behind him stood Dick, who was looking a bit pale in the face. In fact, his hands seemed to tremble slightly and shook the book which he held in a tight grip.

"E-excuse me. If I c-can interupt." Dick stammered, walking into the kitchen. Will turned around and noticed the worried look on Dick's face.

"Yeah Dick?" She asked, her expression softening.

"Is my face falling off?" He asked, bringing a hand up to his cheek. "Because, I was reading my book and. . . And, I saw pieces of flesh fall onto the pages. I'm seeing red. But, I thought I should ask you for your opinion." Whenever Dick began to have hallucinations, he would ask Will what she made of it. Varying on her response he would know whether to panic or not.

"No Dick." Will smiled reassuringly at the man while Rorschach stealthily popped yet another sugar cube into his mouth. "Your face isn't falling off." This in turn made Dick grin, and nodded his head.

"Oh good. Good." He turned to leave the kitchen, but stopped and turned around. "By the way, Will." He began. "Your stepfather called, he said he might drop by tomorrow." Will's face fell. It was obvious to Rorschach just by her body language that the woman wasn't pleased by this at all.

"Oh." Her grin turned into a tight mechanical one. "Great."

"Step father?" Rorschach inquired, crossing his arms.

"Yeah." Will muttered, opening the fridge. "Dumb corrupt politician asshole." She grumbled, making no effort to hide her distaste in the man.

"Corrupt politician?" Rorschach inquired, that certainly could use some looking into.

"Yeah, in with the mob and some other groups who's names I don't even know. He's all high and mighty because he's the mayor. Lord knows he doesn't deserve it, but it's not like the police can do jack shit about it." She opened up a can of beer, the liquid hissing as foam bubbled up ever so slightly to the top.

_September twenty second, continued. Will talks about corrupt mayor. Coming over tommorow. Must investigate further._


End file.
